Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize