Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
