My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
