Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
