Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize