Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
