I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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