dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
