even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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