VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
