I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
