get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
