she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
