apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
