Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize