so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
