Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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