I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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