saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
