i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
