So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
