I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
