hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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