I have demons in me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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