I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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