she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
