i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
