I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
