You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
