Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
