saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
