If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
