Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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