things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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