She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
