when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
