Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize