my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
