Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
