One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
