Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
