the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
