Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
