I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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