It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
