My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
