Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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