clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
