I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
