How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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