Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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