Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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