So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
