It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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