He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
