I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
