Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
