eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
