Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Welp...herpes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
