just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
