Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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