I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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