I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
