I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
