I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
