I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
