There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
