My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
