the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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