Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
