There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
