We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
