I can text with my tongue
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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