...so i touched it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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