I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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