i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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