I should be sponsored by Trojan
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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