How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
