You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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