I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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