if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
