My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
