so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
