Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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