this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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