We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
