I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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