Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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