ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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