What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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