so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
