you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
