so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
