whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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