guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
