Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
